Autopsy; Incalculable Territory; [John's Green and Tan Notebook #1]; I Try to Be Myself . . . as Well as; [John's Yellow Notebook #1]; Variations on Desire; [John's Blue Notebook]; Horror Vacui; [John's Green and Tan Notebook #2]; Our Feet Are the Same; [ John's Blue and Tan Notebook]; Denouncing the Xenophobic Country I Still Love; [John's Yellow Notebook #2]; Home Again; Epilogue; Acknowledgments